One of the reasons adult movie producers throw in a “bonus scene” at the end of a movie is to make you wonder, “Hmmm, do you think after the day’s shooting is done, attractive members of the cast and crew decide to have sex just for the hell of it?” And, judging by today’s clip staring Carmella Bing, the answer to that is an unqualified “yes.”

And it’s almost believable, until you pinch yourself and remember that, realistically, the porn world is more about burning through young women’s dreams, fighting addictions to drugs, ever-present worry regarding sexually transmitted diseases, and spending inhuman amounts of money on both apricot-flavored lube and in-ground swimming pools. But they had us going for a minute, and after all, who cares…as long as Carmella has got her tits wrapped around SOMETHING. Anything!

If you are a father, or if you ever plan to be one, please remember to never, ever let your daughter take ballet lessons. What starts as your adorable little angel in a pink tutu and tiara inevitably turns into this, and no father should have that on their heads.

Though her tits are somewhat alarming and walleyed, Stormy has that intangible something, that little sneery snarl, that supermodel’s face, that is rapidly turning her into porn’s next crossover sensation. She appeared in both the 40 Year Old Virgin and Knocked Up, but I think you’ll agree after watching the above that her best work is done in the Valley, and that we must prevent her crossover into mainstream film at all costs.

Brittney, Carmen, and now, likely all of us, are most definitely going to hell. Brittney Skye has often been compared to a “young Jenna Jameson,” which somehow manages to be insulting to both Brittney and to Jenna, and it is when she is playing a wide-eyed innocent that she is at her best. In this priest-fucking clip, she is paired up with Carmen Luvana, who is dressed as the devil, natch.

And in case that’s all not surreal enough for you, the entire thing is dubbed into what I am assuming is Italian. Watch for yourself, and witness how truly bizarre it is when the “oohs, ahs,” and, “unghs” sound even stranger and out of sync, and how it makes Carmen’s “oooh papis” lose all of their cultural relevance. Look at it this way…at least you can pretend you’re watching a foriegn art film.

You know those porn stars you get kind of mad at yourself for jerking off to? Briana Banks falls squarely into that category. Back when she called herself “Mirage,” Briana really couldn’t get a break, and was relegated to licking dudes’ assholes in scary Anabolic videos. But then, two basketball-sized breast implant surgeries later, Briana Banks was born and international superstardom (including costarring roles with Jenna Jameson) followed.

Though she has what very well may be the longest legs in the business, at an incredible 36″ long, it is undoubtedly her breasts that have gotten her the most attention. But it’s precisely those tits that are so troubling. Look, when you have Briana’s frame and those tits, something is definitely wrong. If she had been born that way, you would label her as deformed and have her performing in the circus. The fact is, these human-cartoon pornstar hybrids do not exist in the real world, and should make us feel terrible about the objectification of women, etc etc.

These are all the things I know to be true. Then, I look at those 34DDs, those marvels of modern science, bouncing and moving in such an entirely unnatural (yet so perfect) way, as though they are alive and quietly whispering the secrets of the universe into my ear, and I have to buy yet another new keyboard. The shame.

Poor little Eva Angelina. In this clip, Eva thinks she is just participating in a photoshoot, which may or may not include someone “pissing in her ear,” just in order to gt a $75 check cashed at the check cashing place. Without any explanation, apparently her “photo shoot” is to take place in what looks suspiciously like a padded cell in a mental hospital, and she seems not at all surpised when some long-haired hippie waltzes into the room and starts rubbing her pussy. Ah, porn logic.

What more can be said about little Eva Angelina, other than we plan to feature her regularly here on SmutRocket? Unlike in the clip above, she seems to recently be getting a little hardened by the non-stop porn world of meth addiction and constant surgeries. A lot of folks also don’t seem to dig her glasses, which are notably absent in this clip, but we say, hell, let the girl have her trademark.

Also, (and I really hate to do this, at the risk of seeming too splog-like,) but the best original Eva Angelina videos I have ever seen in my whole life are over on Brazzers. It’s the only paysite I belong to, which is why I don’t mind shilling for it here, and I wholeheartedly encourage everyone to check out their content